YOUR WORLD

Take me to that beautifully crafted world that you call your own
Because for years, I’ve been roaming these lonely streets all alone..

I have been to the brightest corner of this world that I call my own
And trust me I’ve stumbled into the darkest alleys that try to engulf my soul
Yet I tread these roads feeling empty and lost
It’s like I miss something but I don’t know what I miss the most..

I feel like those lost birds that fly high
With no destination or even a reason to stop by..

So I keep walking and walking
Sometimes running and stopping
But stopping only to catch a breathe
Because I have no reason to stop this crazy sense of unrest..

So take me to the world you call your own
And tell me if you ever walked those streets alone..

Tell me what is it that makes you feel so alive and satisfied?
Does life wake you up with a coffee in its hand and love by its side?
Teach me all that I need to learn
Cause I still don’t know what is it that I yearn..

So, please, darling
Hold my hand and take me to the world that you call your own
Who knows,
Maybe that can become my new home..

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THANKS TO YOU..

How am I?

How am I?! It’s been 4 years. Fucking 4 years since you left and still you come and ask me.. how am I?

I am a mess, thanks to you. I spent months trying to figure out what I did wrong. I spent years feeling like a fool who let you in at the first place. I felt so stupid for feeling the way I did for you. And though we both knew that it wasn’t meant to be forever, you left in such a hurry that you filled my life with so many questions and doubts and I hate you for that. I hate the way you made me feel and I hate the fact that you were my first heartbreak. It doesn’t mean anything to you, does it? I am pretty sure it doesn’t.

Did you have any idea about the impact you’d have on me? Didn’t you know you’d somehow ruin me for life? Wasn’t that obvious? 

God, we were so young then, maybe that’s why all these feelings that I had are so damned amplified in my heart and memory. But I know it was real. The pain, the hollowness, it was all there and oh so real.

It took me years to finally figure myself out. All those questions and doubts that you left me with..helped me create a real solid fence around me because I didn’t want to be the foolish girl you fell for.. anymore. And trust me, when the time comes, it’s going to take all of me to actually take down these fences. All thanks to you.

 So, as you moved on with your life, I moved on with mine. Just with a lot of baggage from the past. People call me uptight, you know. But I guess I can deal with these vacant judgements than tramp that stupid road again. I am so done being foolish, thanks to you.

And quite amazingly, I don’t miss being foolish. And to think of it now, I don’t think I feel good about any of the part of my life that I shared with you. I don’t miss you. Not at all.

So go on with your life but don’t you for a second assume that you’d still be welcomed in mine. Stop messing with me because the girl you knew is long gone.

She is gone!

EVEN THE RICH DIE!

In a world where it’s believed that the rich have got it all covered,
I wonder what are the thoughts that hovered
inside his mind while committing such a heinous crime;
Crime of snatching one’s own life,
as if nothing mattered anymore, not even his own luxurious life.

So, as I sit here contemplating
and guessing what was the rush,
I am forced to think
What does the suicide of the rich tell us?

Does it reinforce the fact that the world is equally cruel and unsafe?
Or that no matter how rich you are, you always have your own demons to face?

I wonder the pain of the soul trapped under the glorious Armani suit,
with no place to run and hide even in those expensive leather shoes.

Did the God really differentiate our sufferings after all?
Or are we just the two separate ends of a single string,
Connected yet unaware,
Lost in our own little world, full of fear and despair?

I wonder if he knew
That the river he leapt into,
Overflowed with the blood of the lost souls.
Souls that somehow never find their way out of this hellhole.

MOTHER SAID..

This, my darling, is a world of horror
Every end and corner you see,
Is getting ready for another slaughter,

The darkness, the lies,
the lows and the highs,
They all await you and
eventually you must pass them by..
They’ll try to scare you, haunt you
Kill you and bring you down
But remember to be strong,
For what’s in front of you,
can’t defeat what’s inside of you
Remember to be kind,
Courage and patience are your armour,
always keep that in mind

So, like every other mother,
I won’t feed you the lie
that you won’t meet a bad guy
or that the world is a perfect place where everyone lives happily,
But know that no matter what,
You are the incharge of your own destiny
And don’t ever let anyone else tell you otherwise
‘Cause people talk too much and believing them,
I think isn’t always wise..

So take care my darling
Trust your instincts and acknowledge your feelings
They shall guide you,
When no one else can,
And bring you to light
Bring you back to yourself
Even on the darkest of the nights.

IT’S HERE TO STAY

As I lay under the dark sky with you by my side, I can’t help but wonder, what did I ever do to deserve you?

The calm, the peace, the silence and the breeze, everything about this night draws me closer to you. The beautiful stars up in the sky show us how swiftly the time flies and how it’s just one lifetime that matters. Just a single lifetime to run and to fall, to live and to love, to shoot for the stars and to go after them, for that is what actually matters.   

And tonight, I won’t lie to you. You, my dear, are a blessing I always believed was hand-made for a few.

I don’t know what you see in me, I honestly don’t know why you say you love me, but when I look into your eyes as they stare deep into mine, it just seems right. As if everything is just how it’s supposed to be, just like this lovely perfect night; with you by my side and the stars in sight. It all seems alright.

I wonder if I have been so sure about anything else in my life because this right here, this spark, this energy, it’s undeniable and we both know it, that it’s here to stay. And this time we can’t help but obey.

As I lay under the dark sky with you by my side, I can’t help but wonder, what did I ever do to deserve you?   

SINCERELY STUPID

You know that, right?

Shut up, I don’t like you. I mean, why in this crazily huge world would I like YOU? There are so many options in front of me, so many other possibilities and futures waiting just for me. Tell me, why would I do something so stupid? My friends keep on telling me, reminding me and preaching me that you don’t just fall for the first man who treats you right, in fact, you wait…patiently and you meet new men, you chase new experiences and you keep looking till you can pick the best one out of the lot and settle for him. So tell me, how can I not keep this in my mind? After all, they’ve seen the world more than me; they see the things I don’t see. They’ve loved their partners unconditionally but have still found their hearts shattered in million pieces. They are experienced and learned. And I can’t just ignore that!  

I mean that would be STUPID! So stupid would be the girl who falls for you!

Stupid would be the girl who loves the way your black eyes look at her. Who notices the way your muscle tightens near your neck when you laugh. Who loves the sound of your throaty voice and the way your hair fall over your forehead in a boyish swath. Who adores the way you roll your eyes when she snatches your phone and plays her favourite track. Stupid is her who loves the way your skin feels against hers and the way your hands pull her closer. She is stupid!

And I think I am her. Stupid!

But honestly, I can’t afford to be stupid,

Not this time.

But then again there isn’t much that can be done.

So, shut up, I don’t like you!

You know that, right?

JUST ME

It’s just me.

Don’t waste your time telling me that I am rude and insensitive and what not! I know it. But, it’s not quite what you think. Not even close! You tell me that I think the entire world spins around me. You tell me I like hurting people and acting as if I’m the best. But you just don’t get it and I can’t even blame you for that.

It’s weird and twisted up here. Inside my head. And sometimes it scares the shit out of me. It’s like even I’m not sure of who I am and what I really want. I want to talk to you, I want to tell you how I’m feeling, I want to let you in but then suddenly in a blink, a switch inside my mind flips and it feels useless; talking to you, telling you and letting you in. After all, how does it matter? Why would you be interested? It feels…unnecessary.

This weirdly reminds me of vampires. It’s believed (at least I do) that they used to have this ability to shut all their emotions by just flipping the switch and this power allowed them to become the cold-blooded murderers whenever they wanted. I wonder if this monster resides inside my head, making me cold and insensitive to all the love and attention that comes my way.

Or maybe…maybe it’s just me, trying to find odd excuses to justify my behaviour because it’s so frustrating sometimes.. having these two conflicting voices inside your head telling you what to do. It’s so shameful sometimes.. knowing that what your mind is telling you to do is probably going to hurt someone. It’s difficult to accept and acknowledge that you could somehow muster some courage and do what makes the other person happy but then again, you know that YOU have been a slave of your comfort zone for so long that leaving it feels like betraying YOURSELF. So you deliberately allow the flip of the switch and go for what’s easy.   

I know it’s selfish and it needs to change.. but till then I think I’ll have to keep living with this demon.

After all,

It’s just me.